Jan 28, 2009

Thoughts of a child, just some of them

Thoughts a child goes through from bullying.

There are literally thousands of modified thoughts based on these simple ones.

I give up
I hate them
god, why are you punishing me
they hate me
what did I do
how can I make it stop
I need to make it stop
I wish she would help me
I want to talk, but I’m afraid
everyone watches everything I do
I wish I would die
god, I give up
I don't care anymore
I hate my life
what is in store for me today
who will beat me up in that area today
should I just skip school my grades can't get any worse
don't look at them keep your head down walking
I need to sit quiet so they wont say anything
I hope the teacher doesn't call on me
I wish I was invisible
I need help
I hate these images
I am hurting
I am aching
I am bleeding inside
my head feels numb
I feel tired, what is the point
I want to sue so badly
I want to tell so bad, but they will think there is something wrong with me
I wish these memories would leave me alone
I wish they would all die
I want peace
I will make it stop
Always thinking of that area to avoid, or several.
What way should I take home.
If I stay after school, can I talk to someone privately. (paces > outside the office)to many people,
all of them hate me, all of them watching intently to see what I do.
If I run I may have a better chance.
Oh man, I have football now, gonna love today.
I need to quit, it is not safe, but they will hound me again.
The coaching staff will downgrade me again.
(snap) God D*** it he broke my finger, (coach says suck it up)
Everyone downs me for ruining their chances in the next game.
It bugs me, the deaths in the family I have not yet dealt with
I ache
I cried
I didn't understand
I am scared but no comfort
I feel woozy,
I feel like I died that day, and all this crap I deal with everyday just keeps piling up
I have no way out
The images won't leave me alone.
"It is like I walk through that school in detail in my dreams" I remember ever single area, every comment, every put down, everything. I just close my eyes, and its all back, every moment, every thought, everything that troubles me, is constantly there to remind me of just how bad of a person I am.
I am trapped
I am ashamed
I need to speak up
I like this speaker he moved me, but I can't find him
I feel like my stomach hurts
it feels like a ball of pain
I feel like at times my heart is hurting
I am tired of crying
I hate all of these intense emotions
I wish I could turn them all off

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