Waking up

Waking up
By Patrick Harnish
August, 1995

I woke up one morning
I found struggles abound
I wanted so much to be caring
So much that has to be unwound.

As I went to bed that night
Keeping all that’s sacred tight
Slumbering in gods embrace
To wake up with sweat all over my face

I tremble with fear sadly
from a torture that haunts badly
The pain and memories intense
I lie awake in suspense

I am alive each day
To survive another way
Another day to wane
Only to live with the pain

Thoughts unpleasant
Images persistent
Like the outgoing tide
Distantly, I cried

What is the purpose?
What is this pain?
I feel helpless
I feel like I’ve been slain

Inside I fall apart
A deep pain in my heart
Unable to express how I feel
I lie back down, hoping that I will heal

Creaks in the floor make me jump
Bracing for that big thump
Always on the lookout and alert
Expecting that hurt

Forcing it all from my mind
A prayer of peace for man kind
Tucking myself in tight
I go back to sleep that night


That morning I went to school
I felt so uncool
Not to be liked and forced to fight
I tried to keep my strength and might

Walking down the hall each day
Feeling the terror each way
My heart breaks in silence
Due to all the violence

Skip school to feel safe
To beat what is viewed as so unsafe
I wander the hall looking for the door
All the while looking at the floor

I see the sunny day outside
My safety to that of what is inside
Thoughts of pain no more
As I walk through that door.

Take me away I say in plea
Because I don't want to be