Jan 28, 2009

Recovery, What is it like?

Although many will tell you that you can't express it in words, thats because its true. Emotions are sometimes the only way to get it out, to show that you are hurting.

What is the recovery like? Well, when a person goes through recovery, they speak to the therapist sometimes years after it has happened. Sometimes, initially the therapist may have caught a glimpse of it if they were being seen as a child, however, most children are very quiet about revealing things of that nature. They hold it dear to them, because it is the only way they know to survive, to live with it, and they won't give it up without some knowledge given to them as useful. When you look at an adult who still lives in the school every day and night of their dreams, it gets worse, and they can literally walk in that school, without even having to be there.

They can tell you every instance, every detail, every area, that they took emotional abuse, physical abuse, or taunting behaviors. They remember in detail what happened, and everything else they were thinking. The mind goes beserk with capturing every detail, as much as they are picking on the victim, the victim is studying them, the school, and its environment to its fullest. But, it goes further from there, in that the victim Isolated, studied every detail of every surrounding, even those in the city and surrounding. If they skipped school, it was because they found a safe area around the city, and are usually there.

Recovery for them is hard because they know the information now holds no purpose, but revealing it is easier, because no threats remain. The hard part comes to putting them in order and talking about them. Counselors, if you want a clue, don't interrupt someone when they are speaking to you. Yeah you want to know something about this situation and go back to it, but they will never forget, so relax, take copious notes, and let them put together their timeline of events. When a child leaves the school environment, the thoughts are mixed, put in a way easiest to remember, not by date or time. These images define areas of safety, and were used a lot to remember. You have to give them time to sort, and it will take a while to put that back together.

When you think you are all done, and the images have lapsed give it about a month, they will be back, because another set of images will pop forward, usually ones repressed by the other ones. When they do, you may get a call signaling an emotional breakdown, and it happens several times, because now they are getting closer to the source, the main traumatic area, that signaled this whole cycle. It is not uncommon that their brain gets stuck, in a time that was traumatically involved. Years can go by, and even spermarche can be delayed, and as a sign the mind is waking back up, it happens in adulthood. Another thing seen in the recovery process, is that the person is very emotionally detached from their family, remember they learned to isolate themselves very well, and into a marriage you will see a severe communication breakdown. When they start to become more emotionally attached, dreams can occur signaling it, and you notice a sudden change around the home. Almost like a person went from depression to happyness overnight.

Socially the person is withdrawn into their adulthood, and even isolates at work, except to have conversation, but no friends in the process. They keep a very minimal acceptance in the workplace, and like to be to themselves at times. They usually speak about having only one friend, as they are "bothersome", don't like to go out socially in public, and mention sitting home a lot. The counselor will discover that they are socially witdrawn, but talk about when they were younger, and were very outgoing. Sometimes you see the adult right in front of you, and a battle begins when they try to de-isolate themselves. As hard as they try, it's like fighting against the grain.

As a counselor, you may also see signals to child and peer abuse that has not yet surfaced. My reccomendation is to not say anything, because it is coming out shortly after you realize it. Maybe in your next session, the person doesn't yet see it, so making them aware will only hinder the process, and a block could occur. The person has to explore their mind, and it takes a while, but noticably they talk about not understanding, night sweats, searching of the mind for answers, they study the internet and avidly look for things related to what they are going through, and many other aspects that they will sit and discuss. They may start draw pictures, some from times passed that are in detail, possibly hundreds of drawing can occur. They hold out there hands, and make gestures while viewing things in the mind, and can't actively express it, and fall short in words. They look at you for an answer, as how do I tell about this, and how do I make you understand, and what am I supposed to do.

Or they may say something similar to the fact that the word victim doesn't do justice for this.

They talk about how the ouside of their head feels sometimes, with the tightening under there skin from the front to back ending about 1 inch above the neck area, and after discussing something, that it feels like their pre-frontal lobes are burning. A sensation that they are not used to. They might talk about a pain felt in the brain at some point of their childhood, but don't remember when it started, later on you will see where that started. They mention migraines and headaches, sometimes so bad they have to close the window blinds to be in the dark and still close their eyes, to try and get rid of it. They may show signs of irritability, and last but not least; don't be surprised to hear, I want you to take these images away, erase them, do something. They lose concentration at work, space off and get irritable. Usually in school, when a child has this, they read about a small paragraph and are just lost in space. The adult will remember teachers calling on them when it seemed like they were daydreaming, but the child viewed the teacher as bad, and started to hate them, because you called attention to that child. I have had to learn about this as I go, and if you want answers, fine. I'll tell you everything if you have the time. Some things are not on here, but it gives you an idea of what an adult survivor goes through from extreme bullying and abuse in a school system that spans a decade.

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